last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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