He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
