If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
