i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
