Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
