Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
