Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The best revenge is premature balding
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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