I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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