hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
