You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
