He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
