why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
