He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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