Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
