So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
