guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
