Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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