i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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