i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
