I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
