so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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