It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
