saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
