I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
