Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
