Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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