Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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