i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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