Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
