his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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