I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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