Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
