Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
