We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
