dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
