I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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