I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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