Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
