my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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