She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
