When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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