Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
