Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
