While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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