im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
God I need to hump something, right now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
