sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
