How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
