I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
