my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
