this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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