she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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