You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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