Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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