I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize