Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
