that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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