How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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