Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize