my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
