Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
