Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
