We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
