I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize