dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
