and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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