i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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