Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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