Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize