the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
