I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
