It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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