I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
