It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
