took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
