His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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